contd from “So it worked out between you two?”-Part 17
“Kavita. So it worked out between you two?” Radha spoke slowly.
Sangeeta who was still holding the cup of tea in her hand, suddenly felt the warmth run through her entire body. It must be the warm tea of course, she thought. Did it work out between us? It was a strange question which hounded her almost every single day. And not until this very moment did she really went looking for answers. She somewhere felt like it was her duty to give explanations to Radha. Why was it so? Perhaps this was for another time,
“Radha I don’t think I have narrated to you the events surrounding the night I told parents about my orientation. It was a stormy night both in sense of spirit and weather. They had seen me with a girl in a not so comfortable position and first they thought to take me to a psychologist. When I vehemently refused, they made me sit down to discuss. They thought their child is seriously ill. My mother was the worst that time, she was taking it way too hard. All the rituals, customs, cultures were being reminded to me. I very politely explained to them how I have myself undergone this scrutiny inside my head and found no changes. So perhaps as I had accepted it, they should also,” Sangeeta raised her head to watch Radha’s reactions.
She was still watching with those intense eyes.
Sangeeta gave out a huge sigh and said, “They threw me out. Yes, they said they cannot and will not bear the brunt of my follies. My father spoke of the high values he has harnessed in himself and my mother spoke as to how much of a virgin Mary she considers herself to be. For them their life, their values, their traditions were more important than their daughter’s happiness. Leave that, they were more important than their own daughter’s existence in their life. I walked out of the house with a bag full of clothes and my empty heart. I never went back and to give them credit they never tried finding out about me also,” Sangeeta spoke like it was a normal day affair to discuss such things, she paused to take a sip from the cup of tea.
“And then there was that time Kavita came into my life. For long it went well but my inability to express love dented our relationship and she left. Only to return in a short spam of time, but the relationship taught me a serious thing about my life, that I have lost the capability to love anyone, forget about women all together. But Kavita somehow doesn’t get that. She continues to stay with me, changing my choice of beverage from coffee to tea. Takes me to a mandir for prayers, throws my clothes in a bag and forces me to go out for a trip and then for a few days prohibits me to go to university so that I can sit at home and relax. So you know as for the question that did it work out, I think it worked out perfectly for me but whether I can say the same for Kavita I highly doubt that,” Sangeeta finished with a sweet smile.
Radha somehow found it all too hard to take. Inside her heart she felt a turmoil rise but then she convinced herself that she must not let it spill over.
“So this is love, right?” Radha asked casually, controlling her facial expressions to reveal much.
“Kavita loves me. And I wish I could deny this fact because it somehow makes me very guilty inside. At the same time, I need her. Remember Radha when you decided to get married to Shikhar you said that you realised how you need someone in your life to love? Perhaps not love, but yes now I know how I need someone to love me. I am human, I am always thinking about myself you see. Kavita makes me want to get up each day and crack a joke about life or even mock her over somthing, I know it would make her happy. Is it love for you? Then I am in love,” Sangeeta answered, her cup was empty but the emotions inside her heart was filled to the brim.
* * *
“Does it ever get to you that she never loved you?” Kavita spoke softly.
“Who? Whom are you talking about?” Sangeeta feigned ignorance.
“Like you don’t know. Radha married a man, no matter how much you want to convince yourself. Forget about her loving you she is incapable of loving any woman. Its been fourteen years and it has still not settled inside your head,” Kavita replied in a sharp tone.
“Rubbish! I have no such thoughts. You keep insinuating things, I never felt like that about her!” Sangeeta exclaimed.
“Really then why have you not even for once reciprocated my love in fourteen years?” Kavita raised her volume a bit.
Sangeeta didn’t reply.
“You think I am a fool. I have given you my life here. Do you not see? She is just a mirage and will always be,” Kavita’s voice shook under the influence of her tears.
“Kavita! Its not like that. I do love you in my own ways. You know I am incapable of an emotion like that. Trust me, Radha has nothing to do with my heart not now not ever,” Sangeeta drew a sobbing Kavita close and remained like that for a while.
* * *
“Sangeeta!” Radha called out for her across the alleys outside the offices in university.
Sangeeta turned around and gave her a sweet smile.
“I was wondering if its alright with you, can I take you out for coffee?” Radha spoke in a rush.
Sangeeta remained quiet, she had no idea what had extracted that from Radha.
“Its just that its been so long I have had fun that I wanted to go out and enjoy myself. I hope its not something weird. Will Kavita have an issue?” Her voice dropped down to a whisper at the mention of Kavita.
“Kavita? Why would she react? Its not like you have decided to like women? Last I checked you got married to a man. Why will she be jealous then? Or have you changed your orientation in these years?” A surprised Sangeeta found Radha’s words a bit startling.
“Of course not. Of course not,” Radha stumbled into an explanation which invariably turned her red.
to be contd. at “Even I cannot take away that right”-Part 19
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