Is this why they say I lack clarity? Because I am forever searching for something no one else has discovered? Have I found it? The thing I was looking for? Did I achieve my purpose in life?
Ramya stopped reading.
Mallika’s letters had started to dig deep into her heart. She felt like they had a meaning to her life as well, like they had been written to specifically send a message to her. But what? Ramya felt exhausted by the constant train of thoughts she encountered off late. For a few moments she almost decided to throw away the stack of letters and revert to her easy, simple life.
But another word caught her attention in the writings. ‘ Survive’
And most importantly did I survive? Did I allow myself to be let down by my failures? Did I give in?
And these words stopped her from throwing it all away. Preventing her from giving in to the failures.
* * *
Ramya called in sick the next day. Her sleep deprivation had finally taken its toll. Also the sight of letters on her table drew her back to bed. They had chained her now it seemed, not just mentally but also physically.
“Manage the bookings from home then,” came the crisp reply to her request for leave.
It took her almost another half an hour to finish the list of names, this time communicated through a text message.
Anjali. She held so much clarity on her face that day. The spirit of achievement clearly visible in her eyes. Ramya felt jealous that perhaps Anjali was a step closer to achieving her dreams. While Ramya herself was yet to identify them.
Rich and famous? What seemed like a statement a while back now got converted into a question.
* * *
Have you heard of the idiot box? The television as such? Its called the idiot box because it employs a single method of communication. It only talks doesn’t listen.
My past few letters seem to me like that. It is only telling what I feel. What I seem to understand is my real motive of living this life. And not even once have I encouraged you to tell me the same. I know its not practical for you to do that, because lets face it, if you are reading this. I am dead.
Moving on from morbid details, today friend tell me what is it that makes you, who you are? Write to me a letter in reply. I may somehow get to read it one day, you never know.
And suddenly it felt to Ramya that Mallika was sitting right in front her again. Smiling encouragingly, coaxing her to speak, to express her side of life.
Ramya on prompt picked up a pen and began to write.
This letter can never reach you. I know it. Unlike you, I have seen the future of your writings. I know for a fact that only when time can no longer hold good for us, can you read what I am writing.
But I also know that nothing in this world is what it seems. And perhaps you are right here, watching me undergo the myriad of emotions reading your letters. Hoping and praying I learn from your mistakes. And with this belief I will write my story. I will narrate to you as to who I am and perhaps in process discover myself for the first time.
to be contd. at He will give in-Part 14