Started at How strange it seemed in that moment- Part 1

Contd from We have no idea-Part 20

Love,
Ramya.


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“But she did not teach us maths. She only taught us english,” the small boy spoke scornfully.

“But Maths is as important as english,” Ramya replied.

“We want to hear stories,” the other boy snapped instantly.

“Stories will not make a future for you,” Ramya was slowly losing her patience.

“That is not what didi told us. She always said that story reading can help make us better people in life,” the little girl stuttered.

Ramya became quiet hearing this. She wondered what had these kids already imagined her to be by now. What did she think? She could replace Mallika flawlessly from their lives? Of course not. She had never studied much herself how could she even plan to teach these kids anyways.

Before she could continue, she heard them leave the room.

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Suyash laughed hearing her fiasco with children downstairs.

“I think I have the story book she used to teach the kids. She often started with a story and then proceeded to other subjects,” he replied smilingly.

Ramya saw him dig out a book from the cupboard.

“Thanks a lot. I will try to read it out to them tomorrow. Today their faces almost spelled doom for me,” she spoke, feeling relieved and happy.

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Dear friend,


It has begun. I now know that you already knew me in this form and so for you perhaps it is not such a big shock. I became what I feared the most. I was already selling my soul to the world by compromising at every step but tonight I have broken another barrier. I have started to barter the flesh that encompasses that soul too.


Did you judge me from my first letter? Did you read about me being a writer and laugh inside your head? Are you close to becoming one too? I don’t know why I wrote that, please ignore it. I haven’t been myself off late. I don’t understand what has become of me now. You would say why did I not go back home. Well I went to the railway station minutes before I had to meet the client. This time I bought a ticket too and then I thought, who will meet me at home? My parents dead, my relatives discarded me and my friends probably married and settled. Why would anyone want me to disrupt their lives?


At least in here the only life I am disrupting is my own. 


I don’t know how will Abhimanyu react. Will I even have to tell him? Perhaps not. Abhimanyu. He is my cousin. The only known person in Mumbai for me. Besides of course Suyash and the women back in the society. Do you know Abhimanyu? Does he know what I have now become?


You might want to know how it went? It went alright. I felt violated yes but then I moved on. This is what I am. This is what I have been doing for years. This was just an extension. When my boyfriend turned me out of the house, I was sixteen. Yes I never told anyone, he turned me out of the house.


I was too trashy for him. Apparently my being sweet and simple was enough. Leaving home and agreeing to live with him suddenly broke the charm. I did not cry back then. I only moved on.


Tonight too I did the same. At least tonight I was paid for moving on. I had a home to return too.


Tell me do you judge me? Did you expect me to cry? Did you wonder how I didn’t manage to cry? 


I still want to ask you this. Are you too doing the same thing? Have you also been thrown in this puddle like me? Are you also selling yourself to earn money?


Love,
Mallika.

to be contd. at Can I have it?-Part 22

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Connecting it with Ultimate Blogging Challenge.