I will narrate to you as to who I am and perhaps in process discover myself for the first time.
What is the one thing that defines me? What is that one thing that defines anyone on this planet? A need to prove themselves. A desire to be someone else’s desire. An object of conversation. It is what explains me too. It will throw light on a lot of my actions over the years. Times and moments I am not very proud of now.
My earliest memory is of walking down the road towards school and watching my father beg for money from a moneylender. His feet shook and his hands wavered but the coarse looking man did not look up once to acknowledge him. I never went back to school again. It was my fees which had subjugated my father to this action. I quit the next day.
Ramya could not write anymore. Her eyes had watered to the extent of spilling tears onto the sheet now.
But could I ever tell my father this? Could I tell him that I had watched him beg? No. And so I walked down to the school that day and fought with the principal’s daughter. The spoilt brat made sure I was ceremoniously thrown out of the school. I always knew how to get my work done. This no one had to teach me. Was that my purpose? To always get my work done?
Its this clarity I see in many which surprises me to no end. The sheer force to know what they want. Rich and famous. Is that what you think I need? I don’t know. Perhaps reciting it for so many years has finally made me believe so. That the solution to all my problems is money and fame.
* * *
Did you know that there is something very deep inside human mind which needs no impetus to work? Its the sense of survival. It identifies it and follows a path to facilitate it to the maximum. I watched the women go about their everyday tasks. A bunch of them cleaning clothes, some of them running common errands such as buying groceries and a few only sitting, perhaps contemplating on the basics of their life. These thoughts encircled her mind for long as she watched them from the office balcony.
Ramya found this sight always giving a sense of peace to her. She knew there would be many things wrong with their world and yet the found time and energy for simplest of things. The mundane, routine life provides much solace to heart than the irregular paths of adventure. She could judge it knowing how much she had already faced and yet calm and quiet were as distant as rich and famous.
“Anjali called today, apparently she is still insisting on a raise. Did you or did you not speak to her?” Suyash’s thunderous voice provided a disastrous distraction.
“I tried to convince her. There has been no affect on her mood so far,” somehow Ramya didn’t feel like sharing the ‘happy’ news of the auditions with Suyash. She was apprehensive he might try and negatively influence the development.
“Apparently the try was not good enough. Another trip needs to be undertaken. And I want results. This way I would soon be running a bloody charity to only take care of these women,” and he stormed out of the room.
* * *
“Anjali, but he will never give in. Believe me. And also soon things will work out for you, who knows if you need to continue in here or not,” Ramya tried reasoning.
“He will give in. I know I am one of his prime ’employees’, he would relent eventually. He did take time in Mallika’s case too,” she replied candidly.
to be contd. at Reset button-Part 15