“Yes I am very sure. In fact one of them is my own grandchild,” she replied smilingly.
There were a total of ten children Mallika taught. It took almost a day to collect them all in one place.
“Why should we study from you?” most of their faces resonated an insolent expression of objection and some even voiced the opinion in crisp words.
“Because Mallika didi would have liked it this way,” Ramya replied softly.
Inside her heart she felt a strange sense of nervousness. It was like she was being judged against Mallika’s attributes. The children were making up their minds whether she deserved to replace their old teacher or not.
“Okay. But only for a week. If we like you then you can continue,” the eldest and probably the unheralded leader of sorts pronounced the jury’s verdict.
* * *
Life is not going good this side. Almost all doors have closed. Last time I met Suyash he proposed the idea of marriage, with me. I know he is trying to buy my misery but I will die before subjugating myself to this humiliation.
I wonder if when we are in trouble we begin to judge people rather harshly. What if he really loves me? What if there is no ulterior motive or charity at work in his decision? But it is my misery that does not allow me a wallow of relaxation. It makes me doubt everyone.
Has that happened with you ever? Did times in trouble make fun of you and mocked your own sensibilities?
Almost every other day I go to the railway station and stare at the boarding passengers. An almost excited state of affairs exist in that place. People going and coming in hundreds, each in that moment believing to be one step closer to their destination. I wonder how many feel the same way, say minutes later. When the reality of the situation dawns on them. Thousands of kilometres away from the last known abode, wandering in an alien world. Or at times returning to one.
But in that moment, the satisfaction on their faces is so clear.
And then I turn around and walk away. I realise I need to prove myself more before giving up. But how much is enough? Days, months years? When can I say I tried. Or who pronounces this judgement on me. That I tried.
Like misery makes you judge others harshly, does happiness make you believe they are better? Or that those in struggling times feel more heat of judgement than the rest? But isn’t everything a state of mind?
* * *
“Right over there,” the watchmen directed her towards a grey coloured high rise building.
“Thanks a lot,” Ramya replied crisply.
She quickly walked across the street and moved inside the society space. The apartment was on the sixth floor and the occupant had given her only fifteen minutes of his time.
“You need to understand we belong to a very respectable family. Us keeping relations with her was nowhere considered good within our circles,” the man’s voice had conveyed much of his disposition. But the explicit words made his stand even clear.
But after much pleading Ramya had extracted fifteen minutes of his time.
She quietly made through the stairs, with the elevator being not functioning and reached a pale brown door.
She knocked slightly and on prompt a lady swung open the door.
to be contd. at We have no idea-Part 20
* * *
Connecting it with Ultimate Blogging Challenge.