They say I tell you all the time that its the biggest things in life that hold importance. Well I always wanted to scream “no it doesn’t”. Otherwise why in the world would everyone gone mad over nano technology? Or the violent drive to move from one small microchip to the other? Or the clothes for women, from one hemline to one higher up 🙂

So you see it is the microscopic elements of nature which give you diarrhea and viral fever not the lions and elephants. The smaller it gets the bigger becomes its importance.

Today I will talk about the small things that one always needs to remember in first year of marriage and probably forever ( a lot from experience!) As they say it is the toughest time of life..

Embrace diversity

Accept that he/she is born from another mother with a different set of genetic coding. Of course he/she doesn’t enjoy same things as you. The faster you do this the easier this transition into “double life” begins.

Our parents

Like him/her, his/her parents too belong to a different coding. They are not your parents, no they don’t see things like your family does. And always pointing out to him things like “in my house” or “my father would not do this” is not going to get you anywhere. If at all they would only embitter things between you too. You have to accept him/her and his/her family as they are.

Remember who you are

Having mentioned the diversity element, another thing I always want to express to my newly married friends is that one should not give up who they are. Many times in course of adjusting we go beyond our means and at the end find ourselves lost. This after a while begins to generate a lot of build up frustration inside us which finds outlet in ugly ways. We may never pinpoint it but a lot of residue in heart is due to our helplessness to identify the change back. So stick to who you are, without being rigid.

Not all small things matter

Like all small things matter so does small fights. Yes issues like “who is a better actress” or to even “which show to watch on tv” has always been seen to lead up to a bigger argument. As humans we hate when people say no to us. We feel like we are not loved, not understood not cared for and when this no arrives all such emotions flood back. A negative notion generates us to fee unworthy. But my friend think about it, its only a TV show and a lame actress. Remember in life there are going to be bigger things to fight about.

Space to breathe

As newly married people, we often want to spend all our time with each other. This gets to one person at sometime or the other. And is known to be the most basic reason behind many altercations. I can understand the emotions behind this logic but then sometimes space is required to help us feel better. If the argument still fails remember you have a long long time to spend with each other, better save up the charm for future!

Turn the heater on

As much as the times may change, this can never go old fashioned. Be romantic. Every weekend plan something special, even if its a nice lunch or dinner or some takeaway. Express yourself. Show them how important they are. How much everyday you thank god you are with them. How different your life would be if it wasn’t for them. I know if you have the “un-expressive” kind, they might not react instantly but slowly the romance will melt them away. (This one from some well proven personal experience !) Because as they say sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.

From experience and a lot of conversations I have deduced that the first year of marriage is the toughest and almost all have the same viewpoint. For those who are yet to get married this is a good pre marriage note and for those in their fourth or fiftieth year of marriage, some points may be useful and others may bring back some memories 🙂

This post was written for Write Tribe

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