Let’s assume I am the chemist and I know how to cook the meth. Ok so now look at the options I have to start my own lab and cook meth to sell in the market.

Start with the RV (Recreation van)

I will need an RV inside which I will setup my lab. I will then have to drive it to a place isolated, away from the public’s eye. Letting me be, allowing me to cook my meth in peace.

.In India if I have an RV I will definitely not go unnoticed. Every now and then there will be someone wanting to sneak inside. Kids with their balloons needing a ride. And of course our very own Police officers needing their chai paani, it has to be illegal on some ground when my poor little sedan is on some occasions. This is a bloody RV!

To ensure none of this happens I need an ABANDONED site. In India with a population equaling one sixth of the world’s total, you really think I can find any space where people let me be? A place outside the city where no one can disturb me?

Money laundering

My wife is not a book keeper like Skylan White, she is an engineer and a writer. She definitely cannot launder my Crores of Indian cook money. Apart from this Baba Ramdev is hell-bent on cancelling 1000 and 500 Rs currency. How am I supposes to launder 100/- and 50/- Rs currency? The sacks to fill notes will perhaps take most of my money :-/

Saul Goodman

In India it is difficult to find a partner like Saul Goodman. A person who can take you out of any shit. Highly competent lawyer who is able to solve problems and find loopholes in order to protect his clients. Here I will only find lawyers who think on the lines of taking more money out from my pocket.
I will probably forget about cooking meth and open a small stationery shop selling photostats and stamp papers because most of my time will be devoted in purchasing them in India for all court cases.

Jesse Pinkman

Ooohhhh this one is the toughest because finding a guy like Jesse will be impossible. If someone wants to volunteer he can come for an interview. But really guys having a girlfriend might be the main deal-breaker in this. Because then basically your life would revolve around commands such as “baby where are you”, “no tell me where are you”,”you don’t love me anymore”. And not just girlfriends, there are mothers with their “beta khanakhaya” gharkabaaouge” OMG can’t handle this kind of shit.

Badger and Skinny Pete

They are sidekicks of Jesse in the show. Friends and partners in meth distribution network. Their USP is that they work with utmost honesty and integrity. In India picture this, guys are selling meth and instead of money they get “kal le lena bhai”, tu bhai nahi hai mera”, “Aaj tak aisa kabhi houa hai?” , “bus last time udhaar dede”.

To add to the issues, there will be a dozen middle men, and with their million cuts cash in the end will be nothing. And also they will have their own corruption issues, unexpected leaves without any information (I am also a corporate employee I know how I work). At the end I will be left with an inefficient system in which there will be losses and bureaucracy. What will be the difference between me and my boss then?

I just read the last line again, “What will be the difference between me and my boss then?” No I cannot lower myself to this extent. Even I have a reputation to protect. Hence the decision to start breaking bad in India has been duly cancelled.

This post has been written by Vikas Agarwal aka husband dearest who can be found at @vikas_agarwal18.
For more such posts you can check out Humour

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