Recently I observed an update on the top right corner of my Facebook home page. It said, ‘Facebook has begun relationship status testing tools for engagement with exes’. One can only assume what went through my mind. A vicarious simulation of these interactions, if any so called ‘exes’ decided to haunt back.
You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you, but learn so much more about yourself by the way you move on.
I have had my fair share of break ups, in relationships and friendships equally.
People whom I treasured, allowed them to create a world in my heart, made me do all sorts of stupid things sometimes to be with them and sometimes to make sure they be with me.
But like all good things saw them disintegrate, more number of times as people than relationships.
Like mirages on a hot summer afternoon.
I confess I have been a rather closed person when it comes on the subject of such things. Healing is very internal and lonely in my case. And it is something that has always been a hallmark of my existence.
It was a warm sunny afternoon in Pune followed by a surprise but welcome night shower. And in the backdrop of all this were thoughts.
Break-ups are never happy. They can be liberating, yes. But not happy. Which is the most selcouth.
They say the same about confessions as well.
Tonight I confess three things I learned from such departures about myself.
I confess I hate the blame game. I hate the idea that I may have contributed to the fall out in anyway. Guilt is forever the last emotion I need in such encounters.
I confess I am not the best person to break up with. I offer no emotional support in any way.
I confess I have always found all such events more liberating than sad. An idea that has remained with me almost always.
So I repeat again:
You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you, but learn so much more about yourself by the way you move on
P. S we took this line from Aditi’s latest post: #SaturdayWordplay 8 : Selcouth and for which we are ever so grateful and hence linking up our own blog with the prompt’s linky.
What can we know about you in this case? Does this line provoke you to think? What memories did this bring about today?
P.P.S this is also written for Blogchatter‘s ongoing prompt- ‘Can I confess’ which is inspired by Sid Balachandran’s almost viral post by same name 🙂
P.P.P.S This week we are also co-hosting Write Tribe’s #MondayMusings again! Join Corinne, Vidya and me by writing a #MondayMusings post on your blog. Just share your thoughts with us – happy, sad, philosophical, ‘silly’ even. Use the hashtag #MondayMusings and then add your link here or on the Write Tribe post. We would love to read your thoughts.
Tres bien Richa!! Confessions which resonate with many of us I am sure. Beautiful!
Glad you liked it Kala 🙂
Interesting set of ‘confessions’ there. May we never have to ‘break up’ 🙂
oh yes . Lets not speak about break ups . Some are sweet , some are bitter
@Anindya sweet are none in my opinion, there is always an element of sadness….
Amen 😀 Else you know na we will break-down 😀
Breakups are sad,it could be liberating, but definitely sad! I find breaking up with a friend even sadder and such break ups were further more liberating for me. 🙂
I believe the two are connected- sadness with feeling liberation..
I read Aditi’s post and that quote is beautiful. In your confessions, I can see myself to a little extent. Sometimes I feel we bloggers are many ways the same yet so different.
Maybe we have something to say and hence we are here. Our awareness on life brings us together Parul 🙂
But why would someone who breaks up with you want emotional support from you?
I always found the wrong side of world to break up with me then 😀
I love how you said people disintegrate and not so much the relationships… I understand that!
Loved your honest confessions 🙂
Aditi thanks to you this post came through love!
Interesting response.. When I saw the post name, i thought its Sids post.. good I decided to click. How we break up our relations does tell a lot about us? But, they are also essential for personal growth.
Oh it is Sid’s post which saw us putting out the prompt 🙂 and everything in life contributes to personal growth..no?
Can’t say about liberating but definitely sad! 🙁
It is hard to breakup graciously and even harder to move on….
I beg to differ on the graciously part 🙂 But yes if a break up has not seen the gracious part, it will be harder to move on.. too much residue..
Breaking up is hard to do (I can almost hear that song now) but very liberating, Richa. 🙂 Very thought-provoking line – and I can see my diary practically begging me to put pen on paper. 🙂 Great to cohost MondayMusings with you this week!
Feeling is mutual Vidya 🙂 Great to co-host 🙂
Oh! I wrote the book on breakups! 😉 I’ve had quite a variety – but I hear what you say about the moving on. I always learn more about my inner strength.
Can I confess that I had to check selcouth in the dictionary. It’s very archaic and not currently in use. Is Aditi reviving words – would be a fab idea.
Aditi is doing a fab job with it.. now she has to sustain it though 😀 And I will be waiting for that book on break-ups patiently 😀
Breakup’s are liberating- I love this line of your’s. I can see a strong woman in you through this post.Yes, moving on is a way of life and learning about ourselves is an deserving act.Nice post Richa:)
Thank you for such kind words rashmi 🙂
And I confess that I look at some of the exes now and wonder how did I fall for them in the first place 🙂
Trust me that feeling would be mutual 😀 *runs*
Interesting set of confessions.
It not the things said / not said / done / not done, its more about what we learned from that experience, that phase, that moment.
Nicely penned. 🙂
Yes that phase, that moment, that growth..
Lots of memories came flooding back while I read “You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you, but learn so much more about yourself by the way you move on.”
I have only become a better person every time I have moved on. And moving on for me is, liberation. 🙂
I am glad my post made you reflect on such a happy thought 🙂
As always a evoking piece with some beautiful writing. Took me to places, emotions and people I had long ago kept in ‘Room of Requirements’.
Also got to learn a new English word after many years – selcouth.
Room of requirements and pensieve now need to be real things. Life and us desperately demand them!
You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you, but learn so much more about yourself by the way you move on. – So very true. Loved this one. 🙂
Glad you did Shanaya 🙂
Break up are never happy but can be liberating, so well said. I feel that break up can heal and teach us a lot about the relationships that didn’t work. It’s been a painful one for me but glad it happened..it never easy to get out of it.
Never easy Vishal… never 🙂
What you did on this post… these confessions… did they help in the healing in any way? Or are you long healed before you could get these words out? I suppose the relationships (friendships included) die a slow death and that is why breakups are liberating!
They always do. Writing forever heals me Ankita 🙂 And yes it is the dragging in the end that make the breakups a silently welcome idea for most of us..
Good to know that it works… I used to be like that. Until my writings were read, taken out of context and twisted… no more therapy for me!!
You think that doesn’t happen with me? I have had my fair share of controversies if I may permit myself to say so 😛 But what matters is that nothing else but writing matters 🙂
You are successful if break ups can be truly liberating, most often it is not.
A good post on the topic Richa.
There is no success in such events.. but yes perhaps more adept at coping..
With friends breaking away, some quietly while a few after making loud accusations, I discovered one very important quality of myself – I am good at accepting and letting people go off. I may mourn for a day or 2 but then thats it.
That is something… if you have mastered the art of letting go (of any kind) so much anguish gets saved..
I have had my share of breakups, more in friendships than anyone else I think..I’m not good at them..I go through denial, denial of the fact that I might have had something to do with it. Then I move on to blaming and hating them..And then secretly I move on to acknowledging that I could have been wrong or done things differently…Then I take a step to mend things but no immediate response causes the cycle to move to the denial phase and end it right there..Did it make any sense at all?
Ahhh Naba the genesis of my first confession! It is because of this self-destructive vicious routine that I decided to avoid all sorts of blame game and run at the first sight of it..
I think reaction to a breakup depends on who initiates it, but there are probably mixed feelings in any case. I’ve been on both ends and definitely felt more liberated as the initiator.
Very natural.. as an initiator you have already walked half the path Debbie and it feels more right as a decision than being the person to whom it is perhaps forced onto
I so agree with you about break-ups being liberating! They make you sad but they kind of give the impetus to learn from the experience and move on!
“You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you, but learn so much more about yourself by the way you move on”… simply loved this… so profound and so true!
Also the impetus to choose wisely 🙂
I loved the simplicity with which you have presented your thoughts. And so relate with ‘learn so much more about yourself by the way you move on’. Great post.
Glad you liked the writing Ruchi 🙂
Interesting post, Richa.
Glad you liked it Jatin 🙂
Now that’s one topic I have no idea about. Even with friends. I can only speculate what I would have said or done but then reality is always different. It’s good you understand yourself and know your reactions well. Helps one to act more maturely.
You think I was born with this clarity 😛 I am forever a WIP in this case 😀
Glad you liked it 🙂
Breaking up though sad could be quite a happy feeling many a time considering if you are quite frustrated with that person and want him or her to get out of your life ;). Nonetheless, yeah the feeling is liberating for sure :D.
In my case, though I wanted it to end, I did feel sad after it all ended :/.