For the records, I hate this term. Family is family. Period.
When I was growing up I was exposed to picture perfect family stories. Through movies, books and even real life narratives that flew directly or indirectly.
But my family per se was far from that perfection. I had lost my mother, my father had been asked to remarry and we were not only two sisters but also now having another brother. It was in my opinion- dysfunctional.
And almost all the time I told myself that I can never lead a normal life. I will evolve to be someone extremely weird, who had no sense of right or wrong. A thought that drove me to quite a few eccentricities.
Even today when I listen onto a friend explaining to me how awesome their parents had been and how supportive a family they grew out to be, it makes me wonder- Our parents not human anymore? Where did we lose this narrative?
Despite losing my mother at an early age I can still remember things she said or did to me which may have hurt. Or stuff she shouldn’t have carried out in a daily life. But that never stops me from loving her as much as I do.
And of course growing up with father saw many turmoils. The constant fight for space and the ever changing equations we had to grapple with. Yet if someone as much as mentions his name I can smile.
I watched Kapoor and Sons the other day. Needless to say I loved it (fact that I am mentioning it on my blog says a lot) and despite the narrative being slow and depressing, it came really close to our present lives.
Families are not perfect. We have grudges, we have feuds, we have things we do not speak but remember, we pretend we are okay about certain ideas but we aren’t and most importantly we internalise that the people we grew up with aren’t always correct.
But that doesn’t make us love them any less, in fact at times it makes us love them even more.
And families don’t come together to be functional or dysfunctional. They come together to be – Family.
When I started writing this post I didn’t know what I wanted to write. I watched the movie, it moved me. And something about it spoke volumes. The slow moving pace of Rajat Kapur and Ratna Pathak Shah’s story, the elusive extra marital affair pulling them apart and the memories holding them together. That is what we are. Things break us but then there are things that hold us through, perhaps in pieces yes. But that doesn’t make us dysfunctional.
Or does it?
What is the exact function of a family? To decide it is dysfunctional?
Do you believe families can be dysfunctional?
Connecting it to #MondayMusings