your faith is strong
but I can only fall short for so long
Down the road, later on
you will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart
When John Mayer wrote this song he wrote a piece of my life in his words.
Imagine you walk into a room and pick up an apple. You bite into it and you suddenly realise there is an apple juicier, redder on the next table and it attracts you. You go and bite into it as well. Just when you decide to take a seat and finish the fruit you glance at a glass of milk and decide that has more nutrition value. You pick up and drink that as well. And just when you were thinking of going back to the first apple your mother enters and gives you a long lecture on food wastage.
Commitment phobic people live a nightmare. In their head and in their life.
And imagine when these commitment phobic people turn thirty. Thirty years of living a life. Of being someone’s child, of being someone’s loved on. Of being someone. Of being a commitment.
When they said write a turning thirty post I lost all words to a blank screen.
Thirty years of being Richa Singh? What was that like? And more importantly can I commit myself to it?
Last year when I wrote Twenty Nine ‘Life is too short’ lessons at Twenty nine, my husband quietly said ‘ This is a more like you post’. What he wanted to say was that ‘life is too short’ is a phrase commitment phobic people enjoy. They take some solace in the fact that their guilt is short lived.
But again, turning thirty is not turning twenty nine. I cannot smart ass myself with a ‘life is too short’ post. Can I?
Being seven was easy 😉
What was thirty years like? What is thirty years of being Richa Singh all about?
It was difficult. It was one of those long drawn movies that never climax. That look promising but never quite deliver. It was a lot of blank empty spaces filled with short highs and long lows. Thirty years of living a life that no one could create.
Thirty years of being Richa Singh.
I don’t think I can ever hold onto even half of an idea and say – this was me. But if there is something I can say it was me it has to be my insane urge to say no to peer pressure.
To be Richa Singh
I gave up alcohol
I smoked a lot more.
I gave up smoking as well.
I read a lot.
I read at parties.
I wrote in locked diaries.
I wrote on scraps of paper.
I said no to everything.
I said yes to a man.
I said yes to boys.
I said no to a girl.
I said no to women.
I walked a lot.
I ran in circles.
I sang on the streets.
I danced to many beats.
I stopped being me.
I cried myself into a new me.
I loved and lost.
I lost a loved one.
I found many loves.
I turned thirty without quite living my twenty.
That’s all? Folks.
Here’s to the next thirty.
A wonderful post. This post is about your life yet it pushes me to look into mine. In my mind you are an achiever. I could have prefixed it with ‘super’ but you are going to give it a new meaning in your 30th year 🙂 The line ‘I turned 30 without quite living my 20s’ is the thought many will agree with and it has been true for me too.
I wouldn’t know much about turning thirty. But I do know this about life: it wasn’t meant to be a long drawn out movie without a climax. It’s not meant to climax so soon!
According to me, life is like a somersault. At one point, you’re standing tall, observing everything and everyone around you with a wonderful outlook, and optimistic thoughts. But then a 180 degree shift happens, and those same people and things look different to you.
It’s always good to remember about the opposite position that you could be in, when you are enjoying or suffering in the current one.
Sending you the bestest wishes, dear. Stay strong 🙂
Life does not depend on a number….
You filled so much energy and meaning in the last 30 years and you would continue doing so…
My dear pataka, by thirty you have done what lesser people might only dream of. Touching lives, carrying them along on your whirlwind of thoughts, actions and passions, remarkable! I pray you continue on whatever formula you’ve been working on, you may not realize it but its working just fine. Go for it girl!
Sounds like it was an exciting ride Richa. But life is really short isn’t it, years pass us as if you are walking this small path, covering a mile every few steps, and then you take few more steps and without realizing you have walked 30 long miles, in a flicker. So happy 30 again, and wishing you another couple happy 30s 🙂
Happy hitting 30s Richa. I entered mine this year. For me, I fully lived my 20s. Loved your last year’s post. I really wonder why we all start looking back at our 30s. May be it comes naturally to us. But its fun looking back. Right?