After I lost my mother, a sense of vacuum came over. From being this class topper to somewhat above average, along with everything else even ambition disappeared from my life.

And then from one point to another I watched my friends work hard, fret over examinations, marks – hyperventilate at two am about unfinished coursework and then of course later on grab hold of their career trajectories and drive results there as well.

As for me? Oh I allowed the wind to blow me through. I kept saying No to things. Moving away from career options, life altering ideas and even relationships that may have bloomed if not for my vehement ‘no’.

But what ran parallel to all these incidents was another interesting experience. I became this agony aunt. Someone they could call at two am and fret about unfinished coursework and though she herself would have not done anything, she would put aside her own books and help you through your midnight crisis.

β€œTurn your wounds into wisdom.”
― Oprah Winfrey

My best friend often says that I would make a great therapist or counsellor. Well, she also says I would make a great masseuse because of the amazing head massages I give her- so perhaps a combination of these two professions can be the winning career track for me.

Please email me options if you find any πŸ˜€

Personally too, for as long as I can remember I have been an agony aunt to friends and family alike. I have had moments when my whole world has shattered, I have wiped my tears – taken a deep breath and got back to a call with a friend who is sharing her pain with me.

But all of this suddenly started to change. After seventeen years of being ambition less, universe decided to conspire and send me Blogchatter (with wings).

β€œIt’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.”

― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay

Same people, same friends, same conversations started throwing me off completely. And my reaction to these things would further aggravate thoughts in my head. These are people I have practically grown up with, then why is it happening now?

But I just couldn’t take anymore. I started finding everyone and everything frivolous. I stopped talking to almost every single friend I know (barring one or two) and strangely enough – it felt alright. At peace.

It took me exactly a year to figure out why this happened. And here I am sharing it as part of my turning thirty gyaan:

Suddenly I stopped discounting my own experiences, my pain and my efforts. I started putting myself as my own number one priority. After years of being an agony aunt to people and hearing ‘Oh your grief is nothing’, I stepped up and said no ‘My grief is everything to me’.

My life is everything to me.

My ideas are everything to me.

My dreams are everything to me.

My power to bring change in this world is everything to me.

My opinion on my own life is everything to me.

Believe me, just writing this feels good. Practising it is extremely therapeutic.

But what happened that pushed me to this?

I found an idea worth living for. Maybe when I lost everything, I lost will to live. And so whatever shit was happening I simply gulped it down and carried on. But when Blogchatter happened, it gave me hope– a rare chance to live for something. And then anything else that took even a part of my energy – felt wrong. Not right.

My biggest learning at Thirty has been that it is never too late to turn the clocks back. Never too late to bring back lost time. All you need is will to do it and some magic.

I hope you find the magic, because I know my friend you always have that strong will in you πŸ™‚

* Β * Β *

I am taking my Alexa Rank to the next level with My Friend Alexa. And as part of this I am blogging a series on turning thirty, two down – five more to go ! Do you know if you have an insight into thirties or based on my online (or offline persona) if you have a query about being thirty shoot me an email at [email protected] – I would love to perhaps feature your point !

First two posts are Live here :Β 

30 myths busted at 30

Horns, Blinkers And Grey Hair – All found at Thirty

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