I am a married man and writing all these
things can be dangerous to my life. But after marriage taking risk has now
became part of me.

Let’s start with how your life changes once
you are married.

We often dream that we are still bachelors.
Atleast I do. Then just to reconfirm I check my phone’s inbox. If there are
messages from banks, related to credit card bill, and other utilities bills
then it was just a dream and I am a normal married man (shattering of dreams).

I remember my life before marriage, my
phone inbox was full of message from my friends, relatives and some unknown

Relatives! Yes the chameleons that they are
before marriage all of them will get you hyperly excited like the world is
about to turn into Disneyland for you. They will call you all day, hound you
with jokes and what not and of course you are placed on cloud nine.

After the “event” is over and the food is
done with not even a soul is found to be calling you. They know that the bubble
is broken the cloud nine has burst.

Or you can take another test if you are
still not sure about your dream. Just open your laptop, your browser and open
the webpage of your choice. If that webpage is already logged in with someone
else’s id then you are married my friend. 
And this someone else is your wife.

Before marriage it was your laptop your
browser and your login only. Just in case you don’t remember your password
(which is always) you can trust dear old intelligent browser to remember it for

But now every time you open a webpage you
have to think twice before logging into your profile for two reasons.

1. You forgot your password and
for the life of me cannot remember.
2.  You login through your id and
if you forgot to re login that page through your wives id and leave the page as
it was before then probably you have to sleep on the couch that night.

to be more cautious and trying to avoid long non sleepy nights on the couch I even
check my facebook wall from my wife’s login and diverted all my personal mails
to her id. Sorry friends if I don’t reply to your mails or chats as I only get
5 minutes of window to do all my online work. Sometimes I don’t even get these
5 minutes.

Moving on, for the past three days I was
going through a mental harassment of training on ISO/TS 16949. My company
thinks one day I will become an internal auditor and will save the world. But
my friends I really don’t have this dream. On the last day of the training I
had my “EUREKA” moment. I should get an ISO certification for my marriage.

Just to brief you on ISO certification it’s
an audit conducted by an external agency that certifies your processes and
gives you an ISO certificate. There is a recertification after every 3rd
year and surveillance audit after every 2 year just to check everything is
going as per the process. If there is lack in your process then they give you Non
conformity or they can even cancel your certificate if you don’t take action on
your Non conformity.

Now you must be thinking how all this
certification will help me in getting my dreams and respect back. Once my
marriage will be certified then everything will be by the ISO book. I am
husband now but after the certificate I will be husband by the book. There is
huge difference between a normal husband and a husband by the book. People and
society will start respecting you. Your family and friends start loving you as
whatever now you are doing will be according to the book.
Husband by the book have to do only
certain jobs like driving, cook on Sundays rather than everyday, going to
in-laws once in a month rather than every week (living in the same city) and of
course you have to clean only your wardrobe plus few other things.

Why am I so sure about it? Because as per
ISO book everyone is responsible for their own set of works and then only can a
team perform. And so there will be lines drawn and peace treaties signed as per
this. Now we can sort out things by referring to the book and not resorting to
sleeping on couches in summer.

Let’s quickly practice the age old Steve
jobs funda “what do we know? What have we learnt?”

  •          Wives are cruel
  •          They need not be asked to do
  •          You can resort to plain old ISO
    to ask them to only adhere to the certificate
  •          Why would they agree? Because
    you can say this certificate can be flaunted in kitty parties.( You my friend
    nailed it)
  •          And lastly you can say thanks
    to me I would only understand I did it for world peace (literally!)
Shri Shri Vikas Baba
For more articles by baba please check:Mr. No. Bond in School
                                                      The first cyber mistake
This post has been written by husband dearest who can be contacted on twitter at Vikas_Agarwal18

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